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There’s an idea circulating that humans are the only animal to experience sexual pleasure; that we approach sex in a way that is distinct from others. As with many questions about sex, this exposes some interesting facts about the way we discuss the subject.
On one level, the question of whether humans and nonhumans experience sex in the same way is fairly simply dismissed: how would we know? We cannot know how a nonhuman experiences anything – they can’t be asked. Sex as an experiential phenomenon for nonhumans is, quite simply, inaccessible. Science is obliged to propose questions that are answerable, and “how does a leopard slug experience sex?” is, at time of writing, about as unanswerable as they get.
Having said that, we can make educated guesses about whether sex is pleasurable for other species. Sex would be a very strange thing to seek if it didn’t bring some form of pleasure. It increases risk of disease, it wastes energy, it can seriously increase the likelihood of something bigger coming along and eating you (seriously, check out leopard-slug reproduction, below).
There’s no reason why an animal should seek sex unless they enjoy it. It is often proposed that an inherent “drive to reproduce” explains nonhuman sexual activity, but that is not an alternative here: if animals possess an instinct to reproduce, it needs to function somehow – and pleasure is a fairly basic motivator. The hypothesis that all sexually reproducing species experience sexual pleasure is, in itself, quite reasonable – as would be the hypothesis that animals find eating pleasurable.
This hypothesis about sex has been tested. Since the word “pleasure” is quite vague, scientists have tended to focus on orgasms. As a particularly intense form of sexual pleasure for many people, the logic has been that if non-humans experience orgasm, they are almost certainly experiencing pleasure.
Given that we are most familiar with human orgasms, scientists have unsurprisingly looked for behavioral and physical correlates of what we sometimes experience – shuddering, muscular rigidity, a cessation of movement, vocalization, changes of facial expression, ejaculation. None of these are guaranteed, and consequently we should not expect them necessarily to be associated with sex in other species. But using this method, most commonly to study non-human primates, the animals perhaps most likely to display responses similar to humans, scientists have detected orgasm in many different species including macaques, orangutans, gorillas and chimpanzees.
In fact, very few primatologists doubt that non-human primates experience orgasm – at least, male non-human primates. There is debate as to whether female primates (including humans) experience sexual pleasure in the same way male primates do, which raises some fairly important questions about how Western culture views female sexual agency. But some detailed studies of the stump-tailed macaque have suggested that females of this species, at least, demonstrate a capacity for orgasm.
Bonobos definitely have sex for fun. Credit: Edwin Butter / Shutterstock
Drilling down the totality of the “experience of sexual pleasure” to the moment of orgasm is problematic, though. It is the result of the pioneering work of Masters and Johnson dating from 1966. They focused sexual pleasure on orgasm by proposing a four-stage biomedical framework of excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Despite much criticism, it entered intellectual and public consciousnesses as a description of “normal” sex, involving genitals and aimed at producing orgasms.
But while this may describe sex for many, it excludes an awful lot of people. A brief survey of the various things that humans get up to quickly indicates that sex isn’t necessarily focused on orgasm or genitals. Focusing sex on genitals and orgasm only makes sense if we assume that the central function of sex is reproduction – exactly the same assumption that seems to lie behind scientific inquiries into sexual pleasure in other species.
Various cultures maintain that sex is not connected to conception, though – most famously the Trobriand Islanders of the South Pacific. New reproductive technologies have meanwhile separated sex and reproduction: it is not necessary for a people to have sex in order to conceive. This shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, given that people have more sex than they have children. The yoking of sex to reproduction to the exclusion of pleasure can be traced to the Victorian era, and is the consequence of all sorts of exciting historico-political processes that would take a whole separate article to explain, but it seeped into all aspects of Western culture, including science.
Not Just for Reproduction
Not to suggest that sex isn’t involved in reproduction. The gamete exchange that is necessary for conception to occur is, in general, the result of some form of contact between bodies. But when people say that “humans are the only species to have sex for pleasure” they are really saying that “humans are the only species that has non-reproductive sex.”
In fact, sex may well serve a number of other functions. Sex may bond animals together or may cement a dominance hierarchy in the case of bonobos, for example, one of humans’ closest relatives. These functions may be extremely important, especially for social animals, and would likely only be feasible if sex were in itself a source of pleasure.
There is also no shortage of examples where non-human sex has nothing to do with reproduction at all. Females of many species mate with males when they are non-fertile (marmosets for example). And same-sex sexual behavior, which is definitionally non-reproductive, occurs in every vertebrate species in which it has been looked for, along with some non-vertebrates (bedbugs, for example, or fruit flies).
This evidence alone should lead us to expect that many animals experience sexual pleasure in much the same way that humans do – that the pleasure involved in sex leads many animals to seek it in non-reproductive contexts, and that this aspect of sexuality is not as unique as humans may like to think. This insight is surely vital to understanding sex in other species, not to mention all other aspects of their behavior too.
This article was originally published on The Conversation.
as to whether female primates (including humans) experience sexual
pleasure in the same way male primates do, which raises some fairly
important questions about how Western culture views female sexual
-Uh, no, it’s because there’s no evolutionary reason for females to have orgasms.
How about, to ensure cooperation?
If it gives them pleasure so they seek to have sex, that’s a very good evolutionary reason. Seeing the vast amount of energy and risk involved in sex, it’s clear individuals need a very good incentive to engage in it, and pleasure is that incentive. Humans have a long history of claiming that we are different from the other animals because we are the only species that…. From making and using tools to communicating and expressing emotion, to enjoying sex, these false dichotomies have fallen.
There are hypotheses that orgasm in female vertebrates encourages them NOT to immediately expel semen in various ways, and possibly to seek more orgasms/sex which makes sense, since intense pleasure does have that effect elsewhere: you go for more. More sex and more sperm success translates to more offspring.
So IF you buy the idea that for anything at all that happens, there must be a clear evolutionary reason to “explain” it (which I don’t), then there you go.
Read “Bonk” by Mary Roach. About sex research. There are people who work on hog farms who artificially inseminate sows, and there is significant evidence that the sow has a better chance of becoming pregnant if she has an … ummm…. if she is …. ummm…..just read the book.
The contractions that result from female orgasm aid in the fertilization of the egg. In other words, we pick up on men’s short comings. Lawl.
The only difference between human and animal sexual pleasure is (possibly) the intensity and the (sometimes) hilarity of the act itself. A little visualization here will confirm the latter conjecture.
No one is talking about how people are the only species who do it for meaning. Or how people are the only only ‘animals’ who have same sex intercourse and experience ‘pleasure’. Someone should look into that see what they discover :)))
There are some animals in the animal kingdom who try to or do have sex with same sex. Male dogs have been known to do it. But, it’s not because they are gay.
Human sexual behavior is complicated by our ability to predict consequences for our actions, and by our evolutionary history of violence which has made a male protector a valuable assistance to a childbearing woman. Since a man has little assurance that a wife’s offspring are his other than her word, his confidence in her emotional attachment to him is of extreme importance if he is to stick around, foregoing opportunities to spread his seed more widely and possibly risking his life protecting his wife and her children.
“Sincerity, that’s the ticket: When you can fake that you have it made!” Possibly so, but genuine sincerity in a relationship wears better over the years, and so It appears that a primary function of sex in humans is to bond the woman to the man. Hence, women have several anatomical features that are uncommon in the animal world:
Most obvious is permanent breasts which develop at puberty, an evolutionarily expensive feature which is possessed by very few other animals. It has been suggested that this evolved as a sexual signal to replace the rounded buttocks when we developed longer legs and began to mate face-to-face. However, our closest relative, the bonobos, also mate face-to-face, but do not have permanent breasts. Another (not necessarily exclusive) evolutionary advantage for permanent breasts is to repurpose a preexisting instinct, namely, the attachment of mother to child through the release of oxytocin and other hormones by nursing. The precocious breast development, with a corresponding reactivation of breast-seeking instinct in the male at puberty, allows this same attachment instinct to be triggered by her lover when a woman’s breast are manipulated in foreplay.
Then, there is female orgasm. It may be true that some other animals have something like human female orgasm, but it appears to be rare. Female orgasm causes a release of oxytocin and several other hormones and pleasurable neurotransmitters in the brain which again facilitate bonding of the woman to her mate.
A somewhat more common, but still relatively unusual trait is hidden estrus, so that even the woman is not aware of the timing of her ovulation. In much of the animal kingdom the female is only receptive during ovulation and one or at most a few matings virtually assure fertilization, whereas a human couple seeking to have a baby takes on average about a year of frequent sex to achieve a pregnancy. That is startlingly inefficient if the purpose of sex were only reproduction, but clearly, there has been an evolutionary advantage to the bonding achieved by sex.
All of these work to bond the woman to her mate, which is necessary to forming a stable pair bond. It isn’t different in kind from every other animal, but is certainly unique in overall degree.
Anyone who has had their leg humped by the family pooch knew this without any scientific study necessary!
Dogs don’t do that for pleasure, they do that out of instinct. If an animal had sex out of pleasure and fun, they would do it very often. Dog’s don’t. Dolphins on the other hand have been observed to have sex very often for example.
everyone/every pet, dog, every creature enjoys mating, even if it’s not their species
The question is not of they enjoy it. The real question is do they enjoy it enough where they want to do it all the time for fun and pleasure. Dog’s don’t. They do it out of instinct, even if they might experience some sort of pleasure off of it.
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What Do White Men Think of Black Women?
Question: Do all white men think all black women are hoochie mama, welfare,child bearing, uneducated b******?
Do all white men think all Black women are hoochie mama, welfare, child bearing, uneducated b******?
No, I don’t think all white men feel that way about Black women. However, media images and the lack of interracial socializing have led to a situation where the distinct minority of white men can say that they truly know a Black woman. Even fewer can say with conviction that they trust a Black woman in either a business or personal relationship.
My friend, former Rutgers Business School Professor Dr. dt ogilvie, co-authored a phenomenal paper about African American Women Executives (AAWE). Her paper documents how AAWE leadership traits are very different from white women’s. They’re actually similar to white male leadership traits. This creates a conflict with many white men, especially those from my generation (age 47) or older. It comes from a mix of racial AND gender stereotyping. You’ll hear that expressed in terms like “You’re so articulate” or “Can you believe that this ‘little lady’ can do (insert normal business function here).”
Ignorance and confusion are hardly conducive to a good relationship. The good news is that there are a growing number of white men who know, trust and rely on their black women colleagues. By the way: If you are unsure of what a “hoochie mama” is, I recommend www.urbandictionary.com. It is a useful tool, especially for white men.
Luke Visconti’s Ask the White Guy column is a top draw on DiversityInc.com. Visconti, the founder and CEO of DiversityInc, is a nationally recognized leader in diversity management. In his popular column, readers who ask Visconti tough questions about race/culture, religion, gender, sexual orientation, disability and age can expect smart, direct and disarmingly frank answers.
Other key snubs included the interracial romantic comedy “The Big Sick,” which failed to land any nominations.
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In my opinion, the question is flawed, in that it is, basically, asking whether White men — stereotyping them based on their color and gender — hold certain stereotypes about Black women. Any answer addressing the question as written is doomed to be equally flawed. Under the circumstances, Luke did about as good a job as possible.
Thank you. I’m almost positive the question was a joke; I answered it as if it were a serious question. Luke Visconti, CEO, DiversityInc
Is there ever going to be a time when I am recognized for what I do and not for the color of my skin or my gender. Is there ever a point when someone will say that I am an executive, period, end of story. The fact that I’m a woman or even a woman of color should not make a difference.
I expect that to happen when I’m old and gray (i’m in my 30s now) and am too tired to care anymore.
Ever notice how “get used to it” is almost always used in an offensive manner?
How can people get used to it it is very offensive
you need to grow up. as long as they can do the job their gender, or skin color should not matter. as long as they can do the job they are your equal. GET USED TO IT.
Agreed. This idiot does not speak for me or any of my pals. How can anyone make such an idiotic blanket statement about a group of people. Listen, guys are so simple, really. The first thing I notice is the beauty of a woman. Its true – we’re guys. Then very quickly, I move onto the personality and the mutual connection factor. Believe me, opposites play a factor in the appeal. Most blonde guys like me are highly attracted to African American woman.Their is really nothing tangible I can put my finger on, but it’s definitely there. As a vet, we were taught we were all Americans irregardless of our backgrounds. Too much made of race in this country. A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman – Period! Now beauty is a subjective term and thought process. Everyone’s idea of beautiful is different, no one should sell themselves short.
Your reponse spoke volumes, but so little people can fathom, a woman is a woman.
I am glad you posted this. I am a African American women and don’t see color as a factor to dating. I’m going to Marty outside my race. As long as he treat me good I don’t care if he is green or blue.
Not only is the question flawed the whole social construct that created the question is flawed. It assumes that black women should be executives in firms.controlled by white men when 75 to.85 percent of all women /black or white/in public employment report sexual harassment on the job. Black women, with a third of their most able bodied men (men in their twenties and thirties) in jails and prisons will most likely to be the least likely to report hence the most.likely to.feed the stereotype.
Yes. There will be a time. About the time when people of color stop segregating themselves. I.e. BET, AAWE, blackpeoplemeet.com, Blackish (tv show), and the list goes on. I see black people in social environments all the time. When there’s one, everything is what society would deem as “desegregated”. However, as soon as a second black enters the mix, they will almost always join each other and start an outside conversation apart from everyone else in the room. When I’ve asked my black friends about this. They tell me it’s a “cultural thing”. Seems like that’s an easy go to. Now I’m not saying all do this, but a vast majority, to the point that it’s noticeable.
But Whites, Indians, Palestinians, and Mexicans do the same thing? Are you really implying that Blacks are the only people who culturally connect and “segregrate” off cultural similarity? That’s complete BS and you know it. Heck people marry and befriend people of the same race toovabd it’s primarily due to culture. There are distinct Black cultures in America whether you want it to be or not. This idea that Blacks must fully act how you want them to be is ridiculous.
By the way how come two black people talking together bothers you so much? Does two whites or Asians doing the same thing make you equally uncomfortable? It’s crazy how even the most benign behaviors from blacks (talking) otherizes us.
I never thought about white Africians beign black or American African. I only thought of American Africians as being born Black in American. Do we learn something new for debate every day. I suppose when you thing about it, they are black America wehn they come to America. I’ll bet that is a stigmathat they have to live that one down.
That whole statement was so stupid and it made no sense. We are all American just different races and genders and skin tones.
I met a black lady on line 2 years ago. We were married 6 months ago. She moved from the Seattle Wa. area to my area a town of 3,000 people. She is a queen my family members love her as well as my friends. We are both senior citizens and are living our retirements having a good time. I just wished we met several years ago. But things happen for a reason.
At least you two met and are doing well. And, your families are happy for you.
All women fight an uphill battle in the workplace especially black women. Black women are strong and powerful in general, because of life’s challenges and when they make it to the coporate level, there is nothing they haven’t seen or can’t handle. So, it is understandable why a white man is afraid of a black woman at that level, because all they know is what the media portrays so they really don’t know the “black woman” personally or professionally, therefore they are left with assumptions and media stereotypes. There is way more substance to a black woman whether she is a CEO or works the Drive-Thru at McDonalds.
In my experience as a trustee of Bennett College for nine years, working with many Black women executives in corporate America and having several Black women reporting to me, I have come to learn what you already knew. In my opinion, there is no demographic in our nation with more strength of character than Black women. Luke Visconti, CEO, DiversityInc
I can appreciate all handsome men…race doesn’t matter to me as to what’s attractive. When it comes to outside of my race, I’ve thought of myself as open. With White men, I haven’t had any experience dating them. I don’t feel deprived or disgusted in the thought of dating them, but I’ve often wondered if I’m truly open to dating them. I’ve been attracted to them, and I’ve told myself in the past that I was open, but thinking more seriously about it now, I can honestly say that I’m not sure. I guess some of the potential familial issues would deter me or be the reason for my hesitancy. Hmm…I don’t know, perhaps if I were asked out by a White guy I was attracted to, I might be more sure. :-/
My wife is black. In fact both of them have been black. After my first wife I couldn’t even look at a nonblack woman, as I had come to see black female traits as a standard of femininity.
I understand fully how there’s been mistrust between black women and white men, given the shameful history. So I will support and encourage black women even if they don’t date white men or don’t even like us.
I don’t know why but I was drawn to your comment. I think because I met my second wife online. She has been the best good turn in my life in a king, long, time.
Like how u think also so true we can handle anything
Luke, I occasionally read the columns you have on this website, and this one struck a nerve. I’m a white guy, and I’ve had several black women working for me in the past, of which one of my best machine operators was a black woman. I enjoyed working with her and gave her the best evaluations and pay increases available, since she put all of the white/hispanic men and women to shame. She had kids to feed and take care of, and I respected her more than ever for that. I also had a black man, who worked there for over 30 years, and one of the white operators made a comment about his intelligence, so I told him that he may not talk as well as you, but he has a job and you don’t. You’re Fired!
In reading, it behooves me to find that as a child, being called names and I learned to fight back. As an adult I am taken off guard as to the inference to such which seems to be the times to subject another to downgrading them because of difference that hinges on their race. Most educated people no matter what race or climate they come from are able to carry well across communication channels a openness that shows no prejudice in refinement. I see intercultural competence is something new that needs to be adopted into the management planning of all businesses in every part of America more so. Race or color has always been a separated value wage. This is why online learning brings more substance to writing rather than a face. Even when we provide a bio-of who, we learn the beginnings of what another hopes for and offers instrumentally.
I have never been a racist, but I have learned my prejudices built through the confines of those who give no value to difference of race, religion, culture, or any driver for success!
Luke are you single? I am a 29 yo F African American physician. You sound like a great guy. On a separate note, a lot of African American women are very attracted to white men, but they don’t seem to approach us that often.
No, I’m married and way too old for you. I have a lot of Black women friends and get the impression that many of them wouldn’t date white men. I dated a couple of Black women back in the day. Luke Visconti, CEO, DiversityInc
I’m a black women and you’re wrong. I actually hold a dual-citizenshinship as a Kenyan-born American with a mixed family–from the “motherland”, as someone put it. And Luke, you’re very wrong. Please don’t assume black women won’t date white men, we do. It just generally isn’t accepted or portrayed in the mainstream and media. My fiance is a white Danish man! Among my exes, are a white Australian, a white German, and several white Americans. But it can frustrating and denigrating dating white American men due to our racial history. Anyway, we date white men. If I didn’t encounter so many American ones who said “well you’re not REALLY black” or “you’re pretty and black women aren’t generally my thing..”, I probably wouldn’t have moved on to Europeans.
A lot of white men love black women, I happen to be one of them, I think they are to shy or unable to handle the way that some folks in society look down on interracial couples. I believe love knows no boundaries.
I really liked your comment. I’m biracial but I do agree with your statement, some black women, especially those in the South, do shy away from the experience.
I too am a Black woman and I just moved to Texas and I don’t know if it’s just the world today or the state I’m in but everywhere I turn o see black girl w/other race (more white anything) bit it seems I can’t get a white guy to look at me or talk. As if they are afraid ….what’s with that? By the way I’m not ugly at all
I am a white man . I have always wanted to date a woman of colour. I think they are beautiful. I live in Canada near Niagara Falls. I would love to chat to you Christne. I am in my early 40 looking to make friends. I love to go out for dinners. Love to go on long motorcycle rides.
First off u r black (rest edited out).
I’m a black woman. And honestly the reason why a lot of us don’t approach or reciprocate white men, is because we think they’re not attracted to us. And most of them aren’t T__T(so says statistics). And then we have family to deal with. But I’m just discussing general feelings of some black women. I found that me being friends(not purposely, but like with men I have a lot in common with) with white men has made things more open. Their not aggressive, but super sweet and “shy-ish”? Then eventually I get asked out. And most of time, they tell me that they didn’t think I liked white guys.
In my mixed dating experience, they generally arent, unless theres some special reason.
I spent years in an abusive mixed relationship (after an upbringing of being called ‘black and ugly’ more times than i could count), and put up with numerous slights, insults, negative comments about my looks, etc. This man eventually ended up having sex with my bi-racial daughter (who i guess wasnt black and ugly :-).
I moved on, and found my husband, who has the honor of being the only man to ever find me beautiful, and not merely a sexual opportunity. I think what we have is very rare.
Studies of online dating shows that a considerable percentage of white and nonblack men send messages to racially mixed part black part white women. There is an internet article titled “The Mixed Race Advantage IN Online Dating” that mentions that black-white mixed race people get more nonblacks messaging them than one race blacks.
101,823 white women were reportedly raped or sexually assaulted by black men from the years 2003-2006 (the most recent reliable data from the Dept. of Justice)
Guess how many white men reportedly raped or sexually assaulted black women during those same years?
Now there is a margin of error in the way these stats were gathered, but even accounting for that, it’s less than ten in the entire four years. These stats may bother you but stats are stats. I don’t think “cops must be racist” could account for such a large, obvious difference.
I will note here that there are plenty of cases of whites sexually assaulting women of their own race, and the same goes for black people… but per capita, white men commit far less sexual assault, and the same goes for almost all other crime too.
Blacks are an estimated 39 times more likely to commit violent crime against a white person than vice versa, and 136 times more likely to commit robbery. It’s important to consider here, that blacks only make up 13% of the population, and about 7% of them are male. White people make up 72% of the population, and about half (36%) are white males. Despite the large difference in population, black men are committing just under half of the overall crimes and about 60% of the violent crimes.
Liberals will tell you this is because they are systemically oppressed, but african americans enjoy a very high standard of living compared to the rest of the world, they get many more opportunities for college scholarships and even jobs than whites with the same qualifications due to affirmative action, and they are constantly fetishized by our modern entertainment industry as being “cool”, “hip”, “strong”, “witty” and “sexy” while whites are often portrayed as bumbling and out-of-touch with the modern world, or just plain evil and racist. Liberals will jump at the chance to defend you against any detractors and will publicly shame them as bigots. Meanwhile black people can say anything they wish about white people without consequences. Even if it’s blatantly racist. Even if someone notes a racist view held by a black person, it wil be followed by why it’s excused. If you break the law or attack someone and are shot, there will be a national campaign to bring your killer to justice, even before any facts are out. If the facts contradict the view that you “din do nuffin”, then they will be ignored or labeled as racist lies. You also get to hate white people who’ve never owned slaves for slavery you never personally endured. Even though the US only represented 4% of the atlantic slave trade, you get to blame white americans and the other 96% from the rest of the world gets a pass.
So to answer the question “what do white men think of black women?” Well, we obviously hold you in higher regard as human beings than black men do white women, what with all the raping and robbing and assaulting. I don’t very often find black women to be personally attractive, but i can recognize when a black woman is pretty. There are some exceptions of course. (i’m picky about white girls too)
Bottom line, if you are fit and take care of yourself, and do not buy into the mainstream radio/television’s degenerate, immoral culture where ignorance and criminality are praised above being kind, smart, or noble… I’d probably like you just fine. But if you live up to all of your own negative stereotypes, and actively avoid rising above them, I’ll have nothing to do with you. That goes for any race. I judge by behavior, not by color… but i’m not “colorblind” enough to ignore statistics and probability in favor of brainwashing for the sake of “diversity”.
I wondered why you had no links to the DOJ website, then I found a post on Stormfront.org that those statistics were removed from the DOJ website—which also reported that 8,447 Black women were raped by white men in 2002. Clearly, the numbers for 2003 on were in error. All of the rest of your stats are fiction as well, you racist POS.
Get your head out of your ass. Luke Visconti, CEO, DiversityInc
I am completely disgusted by your comment, whites have been raping women of color for centuries, and yet I am sure you’re the type to say forget it its the past and move on, what you’re not understanding is blacks, regardless of affirmative action, have centuries of abstract violence to heal from, you try to imagine having all heritage and racial history ripped from you, we have no language, we have no religion of our own, our customs and culture was torn from us and we will feel this for many more years to come, I will never know what part of Africa my ancestors are from, but what I do know is that my African features are dulled by white genes forced upon some unwilling black slave from 100s of years before. For arguments sake I can say that I do not trust white men because of the rapes endured by my ancestors,I thankfully do not feel that way but if I were a black version of you I would I guess until you proved yourself to not be a rapist, you are educated and ignorant at the same time a very sad combination.
That’s just the problem.all of your numbers are.flawed. all of the numbers against black men are what white men REPORT, that is, what white people SAY occured_ that is SURVEYS. Ask me did I ever raped anybody.MY ANSWER IS ALWAYS A RESOUNDING NO. The ACTUAL ARREST and/or conviction numbers are totally opposite. Despite being black biased. The overwhelming population advantage of white, means the overwhelming SURVEY disadvantage of blacks.But the international crime statistics of 100 countries clearly show that white men commit crimes almost 9 to 1 compared to all other races, especially VIOLENT crimes. The least criminal of all races internationally, surprisingly ARE BLACK NATIONS. The most shop lifters are WHITE MEN. Don’t take my word Look on the internet, 75 percent of the most VICIOUS VIOLENT DEGRADING SEXUAL ASSAULT AGAINST BLACK WOMEN is committed by WHITE MEN. Then you have the effrontery, the nerve, the unmittegated
Gall to report that the LYINGEST MEN in the whole world REPORTED, note REPORTED, zero rape, assault, against women of color.
I feel the same about black women as I do about anyone… If you pride yourself in negative things, and live up to the negative stereotypes, I probably will dislike you. If you are intelligent, kind, and do your best to rise above negative things, I probably think you are great. If you spend your weekends at the club, drunk, throwing yourself at losers who spit “game”… I’ll dislike you no matter who you are or where you’re from.
It strikes me that your comment assumes that Black women are generally negative. How does that approach work, Romeo? Luke Visconti, CEO, DiversityInc
I’m a 19 yr old guy from a small town in Texas. I am the “clean cut, disciplined” type of guy. Let me tell you, many men in my area do not like black women because they fall easily to stereotypes. And the white guys who are attracted to black women are concerned that if they go and talk to the ladies that they will be shot down because they are white. I don’t have a preference on a woman’s skin color or ethnicity, although I am very attracted to dark skin tones . I have dated a black woman before and she was just normal, like everyone else. Most white guys I know think they are so different but in truth they are no different than anyone else. Just an individual with their own opinions and tastes. Love doesn’t have a color. So to wrap this up, there are white guys like me who are very attracted to black women and would like to have healthy normal relationships. Only issue I see is that on two occasions, I had expressed interest to a black woman and they told me that they don’t date outside their skin color, and it produces complications. A shame really. I don’t have a problem with it at all.
that’s real cause i think that’s what is happening at my school and i like white boys and they all just g throw me off like i am nothing but i keep pushing people away because i am afraid to truth people now because no one understands what it feels like to keep push away and talk about like something is wrong with me and because my weight and what i look like just because it hurts now when do get older i not going to know how to accept if someone is trying too be nice or trying to be more then friends
Good that so many people are at least willing to have a dialog about something that’s usually not included in our long debate in this country about race. The important lesson is no one human should be pre judged based on gender color or what society deems stereotypical for that group of people. In all interactions with humans we should only gleen who they are based on content of character.
I have recently opened up to the possibility of dating outside my race. I have tried the online dating thing to meet guys because I have never been approached by white guys. So on the dating sites I have had numerous replies, but most of them are looking for hook ups. One guy even admitted to me that he doesn’t know many white guys that would date a black women inpublic, no matter how pretty she is. I wonder is it the fact that I live in Mississippi? There is still a lot of racial tension here.
Where in Mississippi do you live? White man here in ms myself and I love black women.
White man in MS here. A lot of my white friends have had sexual thoughts toward black women, I’m sure! Would they ever admit to it? Nope. Why? How others would perceive them. I’m the only one of my friends who openly admits to being with and being attracted to black women. As a white man in Mississippi, that can be pretty damaging to ones social status. Not only that, it’s something that can end relationships with their families and friends. Why do I do it? Love has no color and I don’t care how people perceive me. The kind of person who wouldn’t approve of me dating a black woman isn’t the kind of person I care being around, family or not. They can take their racism elsewhere.
You are a great HUMAN Being!
Interesting that you said “sexual thoughts” and not “attraction”. There’s a big difference between the two, and your choice of words highlights the reason so many black women are reticent about dating white men. They usually cannot be trusted to have anything but ulterior motives – namely the satisfaction of their curiosity with the sexual experience.
Furthermore, there’s a reason black women love black men so much, despite the way whites have tried to destroy us.
We have an inner-strength that white men cannot match. Black men have confidence that white men often cannot without appearing arrogant and stupid.
The way we talk, the way we walk, our quick Witt, our sense of style…non-European men typically don’t have it. And despite the negative portrayals, black men are more than just great athletes and entertainers; we are intelligent human beings who continually get knocked down by the system, yet get out of bed every day and try to find our way in a system that was strategically designed to result in our destruction.
It’s no wonder black women find comfort in that – even in the rate black man who doesn’t do things correctly. YES, most black men are hard-working, law abiding citizens, but the media wouldn’t let you think it.
I believe that love shouldn’t have boundaries, but it’s understandable that in today’s world it does. Your police are killing the fathers, brothers, friends, and peers of black women, but you want them to date YOU?
Whites have created a racial mess by stealing from people of color all over the world. That’s just a fact! I don’t condemn black women who say yes to white men, but I applaud those who do.
It’s understandable after all that white men have done to black men.
Racism will never end unless we (black) stop feeling inferior whenever we met the whites. We must think outside the box and raise our self esteem.
That’s ridiculous Iam an extremely confident black woman and have still dealt with racism, racism doesn’t get its power from the people subjected to it , its power comes from the minds and mouths of those who practice it, educate yourself please.
I believe perfomance has nothing to do with gender or race.
Most black,women are conservative,daters………….why?…..we just are…lol
Just wanted to say for the record- I am a black woman who has no problem dating white men. As a matter of fact I love it and it doesn’t take away from men of other ethnicities. I just happen to find dark hair, gray eyes and a lean cut body very sexy. Nuff said.
I’m a single, attractive, business women in Alabama. I dated white men in the past and honestly, still attracted to them. I dare not date white men now. It’s too painful. It is as if there is a spot light on you both when together. In private it was magical. I miss him. But the hurt from both families, especially my father, was too much for me.
Well I’m from Arkanas almost 40 i have never dated outside my race but i have had white men who jas tried to talk to but I never would because of how everyone see international couples but this year I met a wonderful white man who adores me he changed my outlook on life love has no boundaries you can’t help who you fall in love with no matter who doesn’t like it I’ve learned you live to be happy for self and if you love him give it a shot no matter who disagrees
In my opinion: Black women with white men are more the exception than the norm. And the latest trend I’ve noticed (based on my own observations here in Pittsburgh, PA): non-American Black women are more likely to be dating/married to a White man than American black women. And I can name 3 couples off the top of my head.
And the online dating statistics are true: Black women are the least approached, or responded to, in general online. I’ve tried the following (at various times); Match.com, interracialmatch.com, eharmony, newspapers, radio (when they used to have both methods to meet people). The ones who emailed me wanted just s*x, and the ones I emailed rarely responded…and if it was, it turned to wanting s*x.
So, once again: Black women who marry…Black women who marry outside their race (especially American Black women with white men) are the exceptions.
Pittsburgh is not a good city for diversity. In 15 years there has never been a Pittsburgh company that even tried to earn a spot on our list. You should move someplace nicer. Toss a dart at a map. Luke Visconti, CEO, DiversityInc
I am a black African ( as in from South Africa) 17 year old girl. I have always been attracted to white guys from as far back as I can remember, and this was before being introduced to the strictly black and white world. Even in South Africa, a black girl isn’t easily approached by white men, if at all. Its so confusing for me because already I am as insecure as it gets and when you like that guy who doesn’t even give you the time of day, it hurts. When you like that white guy that doesn’t give you the time of day makes me question my worth honestly. Help please
So much for stats, I’m on a Mature dating site 50 and over and almost 85% of my pursuers are White males, then White Hispanic, East Indians/Middle Eastern then only 4% of Black males.
After being run through the ringer by black men who preferred non-black (or bi-racial) women, and found me unattractive, i gave up. Didnt look back.
It is actually in most of these studies, what is counted as black are people who just check off black. There have been a couple of studies that looked at mixed race part black part white women, and those studies found that a good percentage of white and nonblack men send messages to women who are part black and part white ( women who are either biracial or maybe mostly black but heavily mixed with white). One article where you can read about this is on the internet and it is called “The Mixed Race Advantage in Online Dating”. The percentage white and other nonblack men who send messages to mixed race black-white women is actually pretty high. It is actually just single race black women in which the percentage of nonblack men who send messages to them is low. Now nonblack men may not be more open to serious relationships with mixed race part black, part white women. I am not sure if nonblack men are more open to serious relationships with mixed race black-white women than single race black women but at least when it comes to casually dating, nonblack men are more open to the racially mixed black women.
I as a white guy love black women over any race because unlike white girls black girls aren’t always complaining about bullshit and black girls know how to keep a white man happy. They not only have great bodies but great personalities and all white girls I’ve dated only cared about thier popularity status and thier hair and other unnesscessary things. Black girls are amazing and always know what to talk about other than themselves. I would love to talk to a black girl.
This is my first time dating outside my race, he cool about it plus we work together and now the job is asking us not to display affection from another worker (black)who said ” I was a sell out”. I’m torn because they won’t say a thing to him but will attack me . We talked about well ,… Make out ,then talked about he assured that was going to happen . Wow what a task to endure for a piece of Heaven on earth. God bless everyone who fight for the person they love cuz it’s hard to find that special one…Annabelle
GUUUURL LOVE YOUR MAN AND KIM ( keep it moving)!! Haters are going to hate ….mostly because they want what you have!! A quick “peck” on the lips is passing should not be offensive in the work place….as long as the two of you are not groping and grinding on one another at the water cooler. LBS! However, be aware that places of employment will often
have some type of “hidden agenda” and/or rhetoric on inter-office dating so be careful!! Ask if there is such a policy and if so, request a copy of it. My “Italian
happened to me!! Life is too short to not
enjoy something good in your life. I wish you all the best….hang on to your love!!
I’m a 51 years young, semi-retired, woman of color who had never dated outside of my race, largely due to lack of exposure to white males as related to (neighborhood) demographics so to dpeak. I’m currently dating a 48 year old, high, middle class Italian male and I (we) are loving it….boy what I have been
missing!! I never had shallow or racist views on dating White males….just never
was really afforded the opportunity. After two divorces and three children from two fathers, I found myself asking, “Where have you been all of my life. ” We have a very serious, honest, loving and healthy
relationship….we love one another for who the other person is. Race and color is not an issue for us and we hold hands and kiss in public despite the “side-eyed” looks….we are smitten with “jungle fever” and America needs to get over it!! People love who they love and the world needs to stop trying to be a dictatorship over love relationships and inter-racial dating and be about the business of politicing and running a more effective government and safeguarding the nation from terrorism!! *drops the mic and steps down off my
To be honest, it should not matter what the shade of skin you have. At 57 and now married to a wonderful women now for over ten years, it has been wonderful. I view her as my bride that I wished came into my life 40 years ago. She sent me to hair school. And yes she is black. I’ve met many beautiful women in my life, and there is a sexyness and beauty with women of color that is wonderful. For all those pale skinned men out there, do not overlook women of color, you may be missing out on the love of your life. Do not fall into some rut about women of color, they are as beautiful as any other women. And perhaps more so.
I’m a black African American woman yet i have never dated a white male but i find myself highly attractive to some of them if you are old school southern belle like myself i don’t approach white men bc I’m scared or intimidate i don’t pursue no man bc it’s just my way of thinking that the man should pursue the woman but i believe love has no color and its all about the character of a person the heart not the color of their skin
I am a 14y/o black girl and i go to a majority white people school.i have definitely grown into liking white teen guys that go to my high school,its just really hard trying to date one of them since of racial differences.i had a crush on a white guy at my school and i tried to give him the hint that i liked him which didnt work out.i have been searching all over the internet trying to find teen biracial relationships like the one im seeking.just seeing brr’s(biracial relationships)makes me so happy.dont get me wrong I’ll date black teens or really any other race but the black guy teens at my school are not my type.judging by the comments on this site and my research it gives me hope that there are white guys or even white teens somewhere that like black girls maybe i should just wait till im a little bit older to explore my options around the world.but if a white teen guy just happens to see my comment and is interested in what i have to say then just come my way.
All I know is at 23 years of age, all I am attracted to and date is African-American women. I find that their personality & life experiences outweigh the “basic” Caucasian women I “should be dating”
I can’t tell you what I think of the black women I run into around town on a daily basis. They are mostly rude, gaudy, loud, ignorant, pushy, smelly, and dumb.
You’re smelling yourself while looking in the mirror, chump.
Said the ignorant racist that I’m pretty sure never told any black women how he felt about them when he’s around town. No he’ll just continue to type away behind his computer screen because he’s coward.
I’m a 22 year old young black women. I’m very attracted to white men actually. I don’t see color.
I’m a white guy, mid 30’s. Been married to a black woman, early 30’s, for about five years. We love each other, but I would be lying if I told you we did not have racial/cultural related issues occasionally. I work fulltime and am not use to a wife who grew up on fastfood and cold cereal and feeds the kids the same. I guess I expected since I provide, she’d be like any other wife and learn a few dishes, maybe be a bit more of a homemaker.. Everything else is a free ride. Oh well. Wish you guys luck and happiness.
I also grew up on fast food and TV dinners like many other black Americans. I didn’t learn how to cook until my late twenties. There are so many recipes online and on YouTube. That’s how I learned to cook and within a year I have to say I am quite good. Maybe you two could go to a cooking class together? Getting started cooking can seem overwhelming at first but becomes easy once you are used to it.
Home cooking is so important for everyone’s health. I am also a vegan that almost only eats whole foods (it’s extremely occasional I eat something processed like a bag of chips) and my body is still detoxing from all the horrible foods I are in my childhood, teens, and early 20’s.
Wow what a broad question to begin with a blanket over all opinion. Some tried to tackle it by professionalism, some by dating and romance and some by character. It was tackled by all even though it actually asked what do white men think. Some stated generalized statements based on inaction thus representing opinion. I will now tackle it in my own way given I’ve been married to a black woman and a white woman. Ive been attracted to black women and white women I’ve worked with all different races of women. I find good and bad among them all and many many more just fair to Midland. Ive heard the complaints by all, opinions on law, social issues. Ive heard people say they have no interest that is white men to us but never or rarely have they say they have asked white men or flirted with them. Black women I feel are in a quandary for the most part holding up the black family while a portion of black men are exploring different races. Contrary to most opinion white men are not the least branching out of the races and sex in fact maybe thats why this story is written this way as a way of saying white men consider us see us a equals and possibilities in romance. White men have been financing different races for ions. The last to fall in volume will be black women, part of it is the nations past but very few men of dating age are left from the 1960’s and unless your born prior to 1857 doubt you over saw slavery. Many black women on many sites have said they just dont prefer white guys aren’t attracted to them they got no style, swag, dress or their just plain unappealing. Problem is black ladies are dealing with white women cramping their territory. So whats the options? White men though I dont think see black women the same way, white men prefer curvy women in fact much more so then even black men who may prefer a large bottom but not large breasts which most black women have. Im not going to rip on white guys, black women or black men and white women. But I will say this until black women consider dating outside their race they will find it hard to keep a partner, find a men committed to only them and all the statistics prove that fact.
I am a Black woman from a southern state who’s married to a Caucasian from Oregon. We met in Italy while stationed there. We’ve been married almost 27 years now. It hasn’t been easy; we still get certain looks if we’re out somewhere together. But we knew we’d encounter this prior to getting married. I get on his nerves and he gets on mine, but we’re still together. It’s what you choose to endure when you date and/or marry another ethnicity, particularly Caucasian. America only sees interracial in black and white. We never had issues in Italy, Germany–Europe period. Only in th U.S. have I encountered racism and prejudice. I guess many of those folks would have a heart attack if they saw what I saw in Holland! ?? I was completely and pleasantly caught off guard with the cultural diversity there! So many interracial couples, and many dark-skinned women like me. BEAUTIFUL!!
The black church has always been the strongest organization in the black community and white men don’t go to black churches and listen to black pastors preach to them about sin and how wicked their lives are and how much they need Salvation. I don’t think too many white men would be able to endure the 2 to 3 hour church service led by black men every weekend. So as long as black churches with black pastors and black deacons remains the strength of the black community it doesn’t really matter what white men think about black women (or black men). You won’t see too many white men going to black churches with black women while the church is being pastored by black men. The Sunday sermon by the black pastors will set things straight for black men and women (in the absence of white men who won’t go to black churches led by black pastors which may be the reason why black churches remain so strong in the black communities).
Usually what happens when black women date/marry white men they stop going to black churches. Most of the time they go where the white man takes them. A lot of times they stop going to church altogether unless they start going to a white church where the leadership is dominated by white males (i.e. Catholic, Mormons, etc). The bi-racial children may grow up and go to the black church because most folks don’t consider a person white if they don’t look totally white (the 1% rule is still prevalent, even in 2015). The parents will have a tough time in a black church if the man is white because a black church led by black men is an extremely uncomfortable environment for most white men.
I am at 25 year old black female who was ONLY ever dated out of my race. I’ve always been attracted to men of other ethnicities and my family has always stood behind me %100. I will be marrying my fiance, who is white this summer. I learned that if I wanted something.. I had to go after it. Mostly because of the stereotypes and the thought that white men don’t approach black women. I am from a diverse area of central jersey and interracial dating is common. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve heard my peers talk about how “they would never” and about their extremely racists and ignorant families. My fiance and I both have been lucky enough to come from two open families.
Im not your typical white dude. Im not from rural America. Im not from the suburbs. I grew up in the Inner city of a major city. Definitely not a middle class area, more like below.
Ive had bad experiences with black women. Black women from the inner city, expect way way too much from white guys when they approach us, if they even do at all.
Me? Im 6’6″, very deep voice, speak with hip hop slang, just like the rest of the whites blacks and latinos from my area. I get approached often from black ladies. Its the SAME OLD STORY every time!
“Where you tryna take me?”
Their always under the assumption ive got a couple extra dollars in my pocket.
Black women from the inner city will never ever ever date another man outside they race who happens to be broke too.
They deal with a black man “from the block” lives at home with his mama, not bringin much to the table, except maybe a good personality. They deal with and have relations with this type of brother very often..
I have personally heard 4 different black women from around the way say “If a white guy dont have nothing to offer me i might as well stay messing with these dudes from around the way. Stay with my own. Im tryna come up in the world, im tryna go places, see some stuff, and i know my white coworkers boyfriends do that type of thing. Im not trying to deal with no broke white or spanish guy”
That right there is messed up in my opinion. Why must a white man or spanish man have to be doing good for himself to get him a beautiful black woman?
It’s unfortunate that the black women you’ve been exposed to have put a bad taste in your mouth. Not all of us think that way. Sadly.. There are a few with ignorant/selfish ways of thinking. Keep yourself open. Or move to the suburbs ! Ha. I’m kidding .. But like I said. There nice black women out there, that have their own and aren’t looking for “what you can do for them.”
Jake, I think it is sad what you have to go through and beyond ridiculous for them to behave like that, its unfortunate you live half a world away
Like all women, Black women are just the same brand of trouble – just in a different wrapper.
I am a African-American teenager and I like interracial dating I find it very Influential to other people to see how different races interact with each other even though I have never dated outside my race I would. I find all the races attractive. Often times I find it scary to talk to people outside of my race because of the stereotypes that they put on African-American women. I’ve often heard some people say I’m more attractive because I’m like skin and I have naturally curly hair. I often find it offensive because God made us perfect and often times we change ourselves because society tells us what we should think is beautiful. all people are beautiful no matter the color of your skin or where you came from
WM here, in my 40’s look more like 30. 2 years removed from being married to a WW. Moved back into the city and seeing many more BW/WM couples. For whatever reason I like BW and they like me :), it just works. WM are starting to figure it out.
Indeed, the numbers are increasing. I see more bw/wm couples every day.
I find this discussion very interesting. I am 26 years old and a women of color. I find all races/ethnicities attractive as long as that person have intresting qualities. However when it comes to African American men I feel they tend to be a bit to aggressive, violent, and superficial to the women they date. I have only dated 1 person ever. We started dating when I was 17 years old and broke up 1 month ago. He was Hispanic and we were the same age. I felt we wanted to different things out of life. I wanted to be a wife and a mother but he still thought parties were the best life could get. I just couldn’t be myself. I like to read, discuss Yahoo topics, test recipes, and decorate. He wanted me to drink, smoke, lounge and play music all the time. One of us always felt we weren’t able to be ourselves. Race is not the key issue in interracial relationships, the key thing is culture in my opinion. I’ve always felt that I would more compatible dating a Caucasian man because 9/10 he would have been raised appropriately. He would know how to love, connect, appreciate, and respect people. 7/10 black men don’t connect. They live a life of terror, disrespect, fear, pressure, and dishonor from their neighborhoods and their parents. I’ve never had the opportunity to date a Caucasian man because I am newly single but I do think if a white/black people don’t desire each other it’s bigger than color. It’s mentality and cultural differences.
I find it a tad bit strange whenever I hear how ‘white men feel’ about black women.
I guess it has a lot to do with the area I’m currently living in.
I’m a beautiful, (random to the bone), intelligent and enigmatic young black woman but sometimes it’s hard to see myself that way.
I have had nasty experiences in the past…and good ones as well but the point is that, for me, I do believe that a lot more white guys need to start speaking out.
If they adore or admire black women( they may not need to have any romantic attatchment), they should speak up.
I trully personally feel that a lot of black women admire white men…like a lot, but according to stereotypes and all, the numbers don’t add up.
I do find men of all races attractive and race has never been an issue for me.
From a young age, I’ve always been in love with other cultures and even started learning several languages.
I don’t believe in ‘colour-blindness’ but I do believe in seeing past a person’s race and accepting them for who they are.
Should a white man not have any black female friends…but admits this and doesn’t try to be someone else, and makes an effort to learn more about oyther cultures, that is the white man I would date.
I think fine as hell, and got a sexy attitude most times.
No you stock in amerique a lot of European married black women’s. In Europe very hard to black couple most black women are with whites men. And black men are with whites women’s. From Scandinavian to western Europe. black men are very diverse when it love. The first lady of ivory coast is jew Dominique outtarra of ivory coast. American are lacking a lot when it comes to race or interracial marriage.
i also experienced the love from white man..actually there is that special bond which perform a strong eternity love..that left you excited..and when u are commited into it..u will always willing to be in it forever…
am a black woman in Kenya and all I know about racism I’ve learnt from media and my love of american stories. I don’t understand why y’all won’t be like us Africans. here you can marry whoever even a white. people will look at you not because of racism but curiosity. otherwise family and friends will be very supportive and make sure your bf or gf from another race feels very welcome. I guest its because we have never experienced racism and hope with all my heart I never experience it. Most Africans don’t even understand racism anyway
I too l love white men. I would love to get married to aloving white man. I donot mind about colour but someone who is God fearing, honest, caring, trustworh. I havent found one yet but believing for one. Sara uganda in africa. I loved the comments here
I’m black and my hubby is white, we’ve been married for 24 years. We meet in the 90’s and have been extremely happy!
I was very depressed right before I discovered this blog. I read every single one of the comments. Sometimes being a Black woman (especially being named La Toya) can be overwhelming. I often don’t use my first name on my resume. I have never been called to interview at a company when I used my first name. I can’t tell you how much that hurts…to know that I have to deny the most significant thing about me, in order to get the opportunity to sell myself.
I am a (french) white guy. Just a word to cheer you up: I am really attracted to black girls for many reasons. And it’s been like that since I was a young boy, there’s a kind of physical perfection that I find fascinating.
For me it is not clear why your name is a problem for you, it only sounds a bit weird. But I am sure of one thing: you’ll find a nice guy white or whatever. Be patient :-)
I am 32, single, and living in Dundalk, MD. As a Black woman I have always been attracted to white men. Not one white man has ever approached me and asked for a date. I’m also online and anytime a white guy sends me a message, it is for a FWB situation. I did meet two white guys at different times on OkC however one kept talking about how much he didn’t have a problem with Black people, and the other one wanted to always throw his tongue down my throat out in public, which I figured that was what he wanted…sex. For me regardless of all the ” you’re sexy” comments I get, the online white men seem to only want to have a sexual relationship while not being seen in public with me.
According to my own understanding and to how I see things, 99.9% of South African white man are only just looking for s*x on black woman and 1% of them I can say they love black woman for real, I am a black woman and I’ve never dated a white men before but I’ve always wished to date one but when it comes to it I just loose interest even on going to meet up with a guy cause my mind always tells me that he is only looking for s*x. It just happens that maybe whenever I speak to them through the phone or chatting to them they always talking about s*x like always so I got confused but maybe it’s my bad luck or something or maybe my ancestors don’t want me to date white guys so I decided to give up on them. But I still get attracted to them.
I am a multi-cultural teenage girl. My mother is native American and African American. My father has a very diverse family. My grand-mother on my father’s side is Native American, Russian, Irish, and latino. My grand-father is an west Indian man from Trinidad and Tobago. Although I have all this as my ethnic background all anyone perseeves is that #1 I am of color and #2 I look exotic. Honestly I have known of racial differences, but due to how I was raised it never came of importance till I was around my peers. I have not only been discriminated against by Caucasian Americans. I have been discriminated by other people of color. These typical stereotypes don’t bother me. Yes my mother used help from the government,but it was due to her being a single mother with 2 children. My mother has always kept a job. My mother worked so extensively to the point I barely even saw her. My mum had only stopped working due to an injury. An injury that makes it unrealistic for her to continue her career as a nurse. Although you see many things about African American woman being single mothers and providing for their families through ebt and other government resources , not all women use these resources by choice. On the other hand of international relationships I find it more common for a man of color to date a Caucasian woman, rather than a Caucasian male dating a woman of color. Although this does occur. I am also very open to dating outside of my ethnicities, not just meaning Caucasian males. I find myself attracted to humans with a great personality, ambition, and moral boundaries. I have never been in an honest relationship with anyone, to give a full point of view. I have many friend who exhibit a slight form of racism. This is only due to the ignorance of our ancestors and things that have occurred in history. I honestly don’t blame them but try to correct their fallacious views. I am only 15 and feel that racism is the epitome of stupidity. We shouldn’t hate one another but help one another move forward by correcting the mistakes of the past.
Interracial* I apologize, I was typing on my cellular.
You are a smart girl. Be careful about dating black men who may end up “fetishizing” you due to your mixed looks. Study hard in school, go to college, get a passport and travel. And consider learning a new language (or two or three). Duolingo is a great program though almost all educated people overseas can speak excellent English.
You are incredibly sweet. I don’t want to generalise but i heard French men were very sweet and romantic. (I’m not a romantic, but you really touched my heart when you tried to comfort La Toya).
@ La Toya, don’t allow what people say or think about you to govern how you live your life.
Let people hang on the the perceptions they have of you because only you gets to decide who can come closer to you to get to know you for the real YOU!
I may have a more ‘out of this world’ name for a black woman, but you, girl, have got to rock your name.
Once you know who you are you will never need another race to provide your self esteem. Once you give someone that much power they will never respect you.YOU decide if THE OTHER PERSON is
It’s not about NEEDING another race to provide our self esteem. Some of us Black ladies just LIKE and PREFER White men cause they’re gorgeous and that’s our style and always will be. It’s our business and our personal taste. I know who I am and I DON’T NEED or HAVE to be with a Black man to prove I’m proud of my race. I like White guys cause..Bro have you SEEN Ian Somerhalder, Rob Lowe, Chris Hesmworth? That’s not about self esteem, it’s about GREAT TASTE in men. I do have great self esteem and that’s why I go for MY TYPE not the opposite.
If a WHITE man isn’t attracted to me I don’t care. White men want skinny, Long straight hair and fair skin. That is something I will never be. Maybe skinny if I lose my stress issues. However White men need to become humble and lose their arrogance. They need to learn to be respectful to all women.
I am a professional AfAm 50-something year old female. I stumbled on this blog and find the views fascinating. It’s made me want to chime in. I’ve been divorced for 10+ years (from an AfAm man) and had only one other long term relationship (another AfAm male). 7 months ago I met someone online who happens to be a 57 year old white engineer from Georgia! Easy on the eyes, tall (as am I), professional, and funny! I am very attracted to him and we have great chats together. He has suggested meeting or coming to visit me but I’ve continued to put it off thinking where can this possibly lead? What will people think of me? us? His statement is “It’s my life, who cares what they think. We’re adults.” This blog and your comments have given me a different perspective on what may be my “final and forever love” – whatever “people may say”. For that I thank you. (By the way My criteria is pretty much, but 95% of the “flirts” and “chats” I get online are from white guys). Hmmmm. What does that tell you about a “brother”?
I have been married twice (widowed once) to two different damn near perfect black women.
I predict that there will be more WM/BW pairings in the future. It will have a “snowball effect,” in my opinion.
This is because the more white men see that it is possible to get that “yes” from a black woman, whereas previously it was thought that most if not all BW would say no out of loyalty to the men of her community.
It’s a catch 22- black women’s support and sacrifice for their men is deeply attractive, but that also excludes a lot of nonblack men.
Nevertheless more and more of us are willing to risk embarrassment in order to be with the woman who is most attractive.
There’s a sizeable percentage (5-8% or so) of white men who strongly prefer black women. Now that IRR are mainstream more will be coming out of the woodwork.
Also, a black woman is HIGHLY attractive to UPWARDLY mobile men of all races. Look at George Lucas, Robert De Niro,etc. Here’s a video that may cover this issue
Men who are going places need strong women who will hold us down when things get rocky. We already have a great amount of inner strength, so black women’s strength of character isn’t threatening to us. In fact it’s deeply attractive and admirable. Like for example my wife- heavenly in her personality but worldly in her awareness. My businesses have boomed with her making sure my Is are dotted and ts are crossed. Not to mention my heart, which she has completely healed in a way I thought was impossible after the death of my first wife.
When first being in 6th grade i was introduced to people of different races in 1969. Never gave it a second thought. Through the years Ive found women of color much more interesting and also a closer connection with. So sad I did not activley allow that to resonate in my earlier life. But now I would tell people to not overlook those beautiful women. If you think someone else of different skin color or shade is not worthy of your attention, then you are falling short of so many wonderful women out there. Dark skinned women, know this your are beautiful. I prefer you over your light skinned sisters.
That question….why would you care? I certainly don’t care for White man. I’ve been through enough with them. They hurt just by the color of skin. I’m not attracted to them. Their personality is awful.
I’ve read many comments-some funny, some are informative-but most of all, I find that all comments provide an insight into the hearts and minds of people in such a way that makes me feel inclined to respond to the original post with a question. I observe and read over responding to posts. I’m a 28 YO black female with a rather large bust who works in business management. On top of the fact that others subscribe to my brand of beauty, I feel especially insecure about my large bust and the stares of white men in this setting; it’s almost as if I’m being labeled as the proverbial Jezebel just because my bust easily draws much attention. What advice can one provide, given my situation? And, what do some white men think when they see black women with such a large bust?
Black women are the most unattractive to me… I’m not in to orange feet and dirty pillow cases… Big feet and hands…. The smell……. Eyebrows raised as if they were hot or something…..
Now .where am i wrong to be born black and where right are you to be born white ..if me a black had no the same things as white now we wld be talking .but we all think..see touch and etc .right? So all these shd be quedtioned to the cause of human being .am not happy though. ??
I can tell you that I am a white male living with a black woman and have a mutual child together. I have dated and romanced many white women in the past, and in the past two years, several black women. Anyone who “attempts” to create the illusion that white women (or any) for that matter are on a par physically with black women are dreaming. On average (and I mean on average, not all), black women are taller, curvier, stronger and more womanly than their white female counterparts. For example, if you are to take your garden variety 5’9” black and white woman, and stand them back-to-back, the white woman would look underdeveloped and weaker in comparison. The black woman would probably be 25-30 lbs. heavier, exceed her white counterpart by probably 2-3 bra cup sizes, larger hips, smaller waist, broader shoulders, stronger hands, larger feet, all the while looking more fit and athletic. If you were to take these two women and place them head-to-head running a 40 yard dash, no comparison, the black woman wins by far. I have to admit, when going through the “feeling out” process, white women are less exciting – black women, it is quite a journey with all the bumps and curves! It is the same with making love, most white women I have dated are simply not as strong, or have the endurance that black women do. I had to be more gingerly with white women in bed (they are more fragile), not so much with black women as they tend to be hardier and stronger. The only white women which tend to be remotely close to black women physically are Russian/Ukrainian, or that part of Eastern Europe. The Eastern European women also tend to have white women beat in all categories as well in the states, however, still do not meet the prowess of black women.
My mate and I will be marrying soon as I have found black women to be the perfect companions. They are loyal, more than physically able to keep up (or pass) than their white counterparts and LOYAL! Black women appreciate every kind thing you do for them, even the small stuff you would not think of. What it took me a long time to get over, I had always been more on the “macho” side, and thought if I was not always presenting the image of the one in control of the relationship, the woman would not respect me. Although this may be the path for Latina’s and some white women, definitely not the way to go with black women. Believe me, they know you are the man, you don’t have to flex your attitude and muscle routinely, as it does not impress them. I’ll let you in on a little secret with black women that I learned the hard way. Let them know how special they are to you, value them, enjoy life’s little moments with them and you will be paid back 10x. Trust me, black women have a difficult history and past which has made them strong and lived a life of character building. They are fatigued from having to go down this path further, they just want to be loved.
I have to say, there are other physical differences between black women and white women that both my mate and I were unaware. When our baby was born, my mate began producing an incredible (and I mean incredible) amount of breast milk. In addition to feeding our baby, she was pumping, and I was actually taking the remainder in my lunch (cut down on beverage costs). However, there was so MUCH milk, we requested a professional medical response from a pediatrician. What we were told, was that although not “politically correct”, some black women produce considerably more milk than their white counterparts. Primarily, after the civil war, many black women worked as “wet nurses” not only feeding their own children, however, white families children as well. The black community at this time, believed to be recognized in this new world, needed to begin populating, therefore, black women were giving birth in record numbers over their female counterparts, in addition to feeding their children – subsequently, biologically producing more breast milk. Therefore, it is not uncommon for many black women to produce large quantities of milk. The pediatrician also stated (white ladies will not like this), black women produce healthier breast milk than white women. Our pediatrician stated that on average, black women produce a larger percentage of whey and casein proteins in their milk than white women which makes for a healthier and stronger baby. She stated that countless tests have been run, all proving this to be true, however, because biological anthropology is considered taboo in the medical community, you will never see it documented in the medical community. However, to paraphrase, she stated “…. Black mommies have the healthiest breast milk for their babies”. Finally (and the white community will definitely not like this), our pediatrician stated the healthiest and strongest babies born are from cultures from remote distances from one another (i.e., Europe/Africa) which strengthens the DNA. She said this was called Heterosis or hybrid vigor.
I’m an almost 26 years old black woman, whose always found white men attractive( first man i ever had a crush on was Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon lol). However due to going to an inner city high school and being what is called now “an alternative black girl” I was ostracized and being horrifically shy in college made that a unfulfilling experience as well. Now, 6 years after college, one baby and an tumultuous relationship later(with my high school friend). I’m starting my own business and I want to go out with men I’ve been attracted to. However, now I just have worries that the whole single mom thing will..well add extra apprehension to an already difficult situation. I’m a pretty girl, smart and well rounded in various topics of discussion but I’ve never had great luck with men. As I said even my male counterparts either dont think I’m attractive or dont see me as..”black enough”. I don’t know.
I dont find it funny that the sterotypes most black women are labeled with I’ve never been labeled with them and yet this hasnt worked to my advantage. I’ve gotten more adversity from my own then outside races. Anyways, interesting comments…
I love white guys. They are so charming. I love their hair and eyes colour. Plus I will love to have mixed babies. Also he has to be open minded, interesting and intelligent.
Why would be the question goes around this way? Well, opinion from others really counts. Thank you. I would like to share this new fake ultrasound design from fakeababy. This is very funny and amazing. If you have gags coming this is perfect.